Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
