Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
