i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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