Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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