I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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