Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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