that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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