Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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