i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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