Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Randomize
