More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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