I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
