I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
