i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
