I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
