i don't like sucking hair
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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