is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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