oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
