oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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