I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
