Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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