i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
