I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
