I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
