quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
