Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
