she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
