Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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