im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't think brook has ever known best
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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