Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
