I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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