Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
