Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
