he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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