she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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