You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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