I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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