I'm jealous of your bromance
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
