Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
