I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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