So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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