my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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