where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
