So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
