Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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