For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My feet surprised me
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