so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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