i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
