If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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