Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
