I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
