i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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