never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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