Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
