yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
