My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
