my mouth tastes like poor choices
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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