I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize