He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize