Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
