i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
