the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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