i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
