apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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