wakey wakey hands off snakey
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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