We're like a lot better than the average bears
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
