You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
