Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
