Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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