his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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