They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
